Men on Love, Masculinity and Women
I
used to think I knew everything there was to know about men, until I
met my husband. An extremely passionate, vocal and expressive man. I
would say things like, "why are you being so emotional?" Because a man
expressing his feelings openly and initiating to talk after an argument
is something that is still completely new to me. Don't get me wrong, I
realize that I am extremely blessed with that kind of man! It's just
taking some getting used to and it made me wonder, are all men this
expressive but are afraid to show it because of judgement? Are men
afraid of love also? Are men genuinely wanting something real as well? I
wanted answers, could we be missing something because of how society
has trained us to view men? So, I went searching for answers and I
wanted to pick a few men brains. I questioned a variety of men; single,
married, engaged, dating and I asked each of them almost the same
questions. I walked away with so much gems after this interview, two of
the most important lessons I took from this was that women aren't
perfect either and we need to learn how to take accountability for the
roles we play in a man's life and the when the right woman meets the
right man, she can really make a positive impact in his life. Continue
reading to hear what they had to say!
"What scared me the most about standing in love with
someone is the lack of respect for oneself. If someone doesn't respect
or value him/herself, there's no telling what that person can do behind
your back. Respect is a necessity for men. I know how much you love me
by the way you respect me." -Webb Pascal [married]
"What
used to scare me most about falling in love was my misconception of it.
I thought falling in love immediately meant marriage is around the
corner. Falling in love is a continual thing that happens as you
continue to grow and know your spouse more and emotions deepen. I used
to always fear the responsibility of my spouse looking for me to be more
present in the relationship. All I wanted to do was coast and get by in
the relationship but once there's "in love" there's immediately more
work that goes into it and to maintain, and in my earlier years I was
not ready to step up to the plate." -Stefan Imbert [single]
"Nothing scared me. Love at first sight, came straight from the heart and not from my flesh."- Wicky St. Jean [married]
"Being single you get used to worrying only about yourself so you become a little bit selfish with your feelings and territorial. The scary part is when you fall in love, you have to give that up and be more vulnerable with your feelings and learn how to trust your significant other in your personal space. You don't want to give it up to the wrong person and things don't work out."- Therence Louis [single]
Why do you think men aren't in tuned with their "emotional" side?
"In
my opinion, men are unfairly criticized of lack of emotion whereas a
man's emotional side is probably three times stronger than any female.
We are living in a society/world where so much has been put on men to be
strong and act out of feelings. We get criticized/used by some when we
show our feelings. Therefore, we show our feelings cautiously. We're
trying to stay in the middle.
In order for a man to share or show his emotions, he must feel safely
to express himself without being judged or criticized. For example, have
you ever noticed when a man watching his favorite teams playing a
crucial game how emotionally intense and crazy he gets at times."-
Herlin Joseph [engaged]
"I think most men would like to commit to a woman who has self-respect and self-love for herself. Someone who is respectful and has genuine love for him. Also a woman of integrity who has a good head on her shoulders." -Therence Louis [single]
"Most
men are looking for a safety net. Nobody needs help being miserable.
They can do that all by themselves. Every man would love to find a
friend, a sister, a mother, a best friend, and a wife in ONE WOMAN. If
we can get all of that in you, life is golden. Your support and
encouragement is also a must."- Webb Pascal [married]
"Sometimes we don't grow until we hurt. This is something that can go both ways though, men or women can lose someone not knowing this person was good. I feel like any immature person can have the wrong focus in a relationship." -Pedro Jacques
What do men consider to be an intimidating woman and why do men find them less attractive? If they do find them less attractive.
"It's
not that the man finds them less attractive, it's that the man feels
less of a man when intimidated by a woman that he knows is superior
whether she is more financially stable, or mentally and physically
stronger. It is our basic human nature as a man to protect and provide
for our loved ones and if our woman is doing it for us then we do not
consider ourselves to be a man." -Steven Sylvester
"Men like the sense of control especially about their manly hood. An intimidating woman can test that. I would describe an intimidating woman as, a female with a witty demeanor and always has a response to anything whether it's a question or statement." -Watchley Paul
Do you believe a man can commit to one woman for the rest of his life?
"Of
course a man can. The key word is a MAN; often times we think size or
age determines a man. There will be time where you're finding yourself
doing things you've promised you would never do; getting out of your
comfort zone and actually enjoying it, and knowing the person better
than yourself. All that comes with time and that's when you'll also know
this is the right one."- Herlin Joseph
"Yes,
a man can commit to one woman. Especially if he is a man who believes
in the scriptures; 1 husband and 1 wife. A man can commit to the one."-
Pedro Jacques
"Yes,
I truly believe that if he stays focused on his faith with Christ,
family and ignore all avenues that can distract him; he can commit to
one woman."- Wicky St. Jean
What do you think women need to realize/know about men?
"Women fail to realize that they must nurture their partners masculinity the same as they nurture their child, they have to do the same for their man. If a man can't be a man in his relationship the relationship will never have that structure that it needs in order to survive, there must be balance. I've noticed women batter and nag their man which ends up destroying the relationship." -Steven Sylvestere
"Women
need to know that men need to feel like they have someone there to
support them emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Someone that makes
them feel like they believe in them and every man love a woman that
pushes them to achieve their dreams. I think women should know that
these things are really important to a man." -Pedro Jacques
"Men
have emotions! A lot of us may not have emotional maturity to
understand or express them but please do understand, we feel too. We do
get hurt, we do feel slighted, and we may have a tough time expressing
love. Society has taught us to suppress our whole upbringing. The time
it's acceptable for a man to express his emotions is in time of rage,
but what about the other hundreds of emotions we can feel throughout the
day? It's a man's journey to become more emotionally stable but it
would be imperative for a woman to be understanding of where each man is
in his journey." -Stefan Imbert
Thank you to all the men that were open and sent in their answers, especially the ones I contacted last minute lol. Most of these men are doing great things in the community, check them out on some of their social medias!
https://www.facebook.com/webb.pascal
https://www.instagram.com/8thwonder_/
https://www.instagram.com/wicky_stjean/
https://www.instagram.com/im__shalom/
https://www.facebook.com/dc.steve.54
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004576279051
https://www.facebook.com/king.m.j.7
https://www.instagram.com/mr.unbelievable509/
What scares/scared you the most about falling in love?
"What
used to scare me most about falling in love was my misconception of it.
I thought falling in love immediately meant marriage is around the
corner. Falling in love is a continual thing that happens as you
continue to grow and know your spouse more and emotions deepen. I used
to always fear the responsibility of my spouse looking for me to be more
present in the relationship. All I wanted to do was coast and get by in
the relationship but once there's "in love" there's immediately more
work that goes into it and to maintain, and in my earlier years I was
not ready to step up to the plate." -Stefan Imbert [single]
"Being single you get used to worrying only about yourself so you become a little bit selfish with your feelings and territorial. The scary part is when you fall in love, you have to give that up and be more vulnerable with your feelings and learn how to trust your significant other in your personal space. You don't want to give it up to the wrong person and things don't work out."- Therence Louis [single]
Why do you think men aren't in tuned with their "emotional" side?
What do you believe most men are looking for in a woman they are looking to commit to?
"I think most men would like to commit to a woman who has self-respect and self-love for herself. Someone who is respectful and has genuine love for him. Also a woman of integrity who has a good head on her shoulders." -Therence Louis [single]
Why must some men lose a good woman to realize she was a good woman?
"Because men don't know what they got til' it's gone but truth is they knew exactly what they had; they just thought they could never lose it." -Watchley Paul
"Sometimes we don't grow until we hurt. This is something that can go both ways though, men or women can lose someone not knowing this person was good. I feel like any immature person can have the wrong focus in a relationship." -Pedro Jacques
What do men consider to be an intimidating woman and why do men find them less attractive? If they do find them less attractive.
"It's
not that the man finds them less attractive, it's that the man feels
less of a man when intimidated by a woman that he knows is superior
whether she is more financially stable, or mentally and physically
stronger. It is our basic human nature as a man to protect and provide
for our loved ones and if our woman is doing it for us then we do not
consider ourselves to be a man." -Steven Sylvester
"Men like the sense of control especially about their manly hood. An intimidating woman can test that. I would describe an intimidating woman as, a female with a witty demeanor and always has a response to anything whether it's a question or statement." -Watchley Paul
Do you believe a man can commit to one woman for the rest of his life?
"Of
course a man can. The key word is a MAN; often times we think size or
age determines a man. There will be time where you're finding yourself
doing things you've promised you would never do; getting out of your
comfort zone and actually enjoying it, and knowing the person better
than yourself. All that comes with time and that's when you'll also know
this is the right one."- Herlin Joseph 
"Yes,
a man can commit to one woman. Especially if he is a man who believes
in the scriptures; 1 husband and 1 wife. A man can commit to the one."-
Pedro Jacques 
What do you think women need to realize/know about men?
"Women fail to realize that they must nurture their partners masculinity the same as they nurture their child, they have to do the same for their man. If a man can't be a man in his relationship the relationship will never have that structure that it needs in order to survive, there must be balance. I've noticed women batter and nag their man which ends up destroying the relationship." -Steven Sylvestere
"Women
need to know that men need to feel like they have someone there to
support them emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Someone that makes
them feel like they believe in them and every man love a woman that
pushes them to achieve their dreams. I think women should know that
these things are really important to a man." -Pedro Jacques 
"Men
have emotions! A lot of us may not have emotional maturity to
understand or express them but please do understand, we feel too. We do
get hurt, we do feel slighted, and we may have a tough time expressing
love. Society has taught us to suppress our whole upbringing. The time
it's acceptable for a man to express his emotions is in time of rage,
but what about the other hundreds of emotions we can feel throughout the
day? It's a man's journey to become more emotionally stable but it
would be imperative for a woman to be understanding of where each man is
in his journey." -Stefan Imbert Thank you to all the men that were open and sent in their answers, especially the ones I contacted last minute lol. Most of these men are doing great things in the community, check them out on some of their social medias!
https://www.facebook.com/webb.pascal
https://www.instagram.com/8thwonder_/
https://www.instagram.com/wicky_stjean/
https://www.instagram.com/im__shalom/
https://www.facebook.com/dc.steve.54
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004576279051
https://www.facebook.com/king.m.j.7
https://www.instagram.com/mr.unbelievable509/
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