Ashley Florestal on Motherhood, Career and Overcoming
I
knew I wanted to do a blog excerpt on influential, millennial mothers
and God put this woman on my heart first. When I reached out to Ashley
about interviweing her for my blog she said, "little ol' me??!" I know
when God calls you out, you're far from "little!" Less than 5 minutes
into the interview, I quickly realized why God placed her on my heart.
From the age of 13 to 15 years old Ashley was in and out of jail, a
rebel and to add on top of that, an unexpected preganacy at the tender
age of 15. She opened up about being a single mother, raising a
daughter, going to school and working all while trying not to lose
herslef. To watch her blossom into this inspiring mother and career
woman is proof that you're past does not define your future. A baby does
not stop you from being and achieving all that God has predestined you
to be. She might've taken a detour but her destination remained the
same.
L.J: You had your daughter at 16, take me back to that season in your life. Where were you mentally?
Ashley: If you want me to be honest; I was depressed and looking for love. I grew up in the home with both of my parents but, my mom and my dad went through a divorce when I was in the 8th grade, so when my dad left I lost all connections with him. He left and got married to someone else and I was looking for someone to fill that void and it so happened to be K'maya's dad. Mentally, was I ready? No, but, it just happened.
On whether she thought about aborting the mission of becoming a teen mother:
Ashley: I
never told anyone this but when I found out I was pregnant I tried to
commit suicide because my dad wasn't speaking to me and my mom was in a
broken place herself. She had my 2 brothers and me at the time and
struggling to pay all the bills herself as a CNA. So, she couldn't do
anything and now I'm about to bring a baby into the world, her dad when I
told him he was just getting out of jail and the first thing he said
was, "that's not mine." I attempted suicide and it was unsuccessful
because I was found by my little brother. It took me two months to tell
my mom and of course, she broke down because no mother wants to hear
their teen daughter is pregnant. Mind you, I was active in the church; I
mentored the younger kids, I was a praise dance leader, I was in the
church choir. My mom felt like it was because of the divorce and because
of the high school that I attended at the time that caused me to
reached this point. So, finding out at 15 caused me to be suicidal but
after I had her, it was a blessing.
L.J: How was it raising a baby while still growing up yourself?
Ashley: In some aspects, it was fun. Growing up with her and watching her accomplish her first everything, she taught me who I was. I believe that God makes no mistakes and I honestly believe that if I didn't have her at that age, I would've still been back there. Looking back at some of the people that I used to hang out with; some of them are still in and out of jail, some of them have no connection with their kids, I feel like I would've been that person back there. I had to leave Deerfield Beach High to go to an alternative school, when I walked the stage K'maya was 2 years old at the time and she said: "mommy, we did it!" That was her first full sentence and from there I knew that I had to finish school because she was the reason.
On how her upbringing has impacted her approach to motherhood:
Ashley: My parents didn't raise me wrong but, their belief was; church, home and school. With K'maya, I structure myself so I know what to do and what not to do. I know not to let her slip through the cracks of the public school system. I make sure that she knows that education is also at home. When she comes home from school, she goes on I-Ready for 1 hour. She's involved; she's in reading camp, she travels with me, she's in dance. Not to tear my parents down, but when I was K'maya's age I couldn't hang out with friends. I couldn't go to school field trips or friend's parties. My thing is, if I teach her these things now, when she's older she won't go looking for them. I have vision boards for up to 2029 (LOL) honestly, because I didn't have anyone tell me "if you do dual enrollment in high school you'll be able to skip this and get your AA."
L.J: Coming from that suicidal 15-year-old pregnant teen to now a 26-year-old woman raising a 9-year-old, with a Bachelors in Sociology and a career as a Child Protective Investigator. I don't think you understand the magnitude of your accomplishments on and off paper. How did you get here?
Ashley: You
say it, but I don't even see it. A lot of people tell me but, I don't
see it. As a mother, I had to do it. If I didn't have her, I wouldn't
have done it. I would've said, "college is not for me." There were many
times when I wanted to give up; especially leaving work, having to drop
K'maya off, going to school from 7am to 10:30pm, driving all the way to
Davie. There were times when I wanted to say "f*** this." But, sleeping
next to her at night, I knew I had to do it, I can't say forget this
because what example am I showing for her? From the time she first said,
"mommy we did it!" That was all the motivation I needed, I knew she was
my purpose. I knew I wanted to be a CPI because I love kids; I've seen
this one child that I was living next door to get dragged into the
system because she was being molested by her step-father and no one
believed her. So, it took for her to tell the system for her to be
removed out of the house, and I don't think that's how it should be.
Even if I'm only one person, they know when I step my foot into DCF
courtroom that I'm going to fight for these kids and make sure that
they're somewhere safe. I don't see it as I'm being a hero but, I look
at it like, if I could do it for you, someone can do it for my daughter
as well.
On her organization, KingShe:
Ashley: Growing up I always wanted a king, to be married by 25, that little girl fantasy. It took me some time after having K'maya to realize it wasn't going to be like that yet and raising her alone, working and finishing high school, I was the king and the queen in the home. So, that's where the name "KingShe" came from. I always knew I wanted to empower young girls because I had girls in my neighborhood that were looking for a king and I always advised them "you don't need a king, hold your throne down until a man that is worthy comes in." At first, KingShe was small until I had someone referred a young girl to me that was suicidal. She called me and asked me if I could pick her up, I went to her. We went to grab something to eat and we were just talking as if she was my little sister. The next morning I received a text from her telling me that she was going to kill herself with her dad's gun before I called her and how thankful she was for the conversation. So, from there I knew that I wanted KingShe to be something bigger than me.
L.J: What has K'maya taught you?
Ashley: Patience,
she's taught me a lot of patience and she's taught me to humble
myself. The Ashley back then was rowdy, loud and I didn't give a f***.
But, K'maya taught me about second chances because it took a lot for
people to give me second chances. Having my daughter showed me that I
was in so much wrong and faults in high school and I had to make those
wrongs right. My father and I, for example, you would never believe that
we were in a bad place. Like right now, we're about to go to lunch.
l.J: What advice would you give to a young girl that was where you were 9 years ago?
Ashley: Seek help. You don't have to go through this alone, seek help.
KingShe is on pause until God says otherwise but, if you know someone that is in a crisis or needs a big sister. You can reach out to Ashley through her social media.
https://www.instagram.com/sheshe_imher_/
L.J: You had your daughter at 16, take me back to that season in your life. Where were you mentally?
Ashley: If you want me to be honest; I was depressed and looking for love. I grew up in the home with both of my parents but, my mom and my dad went through a divorce when I was in the 8th grade, so when my dad left I lost all connections with him. He left and got married to someone else and I was looking for someone to fill that void and it so happened to be K'maya's dad. Mentally, was I ready? No, but, it just happened.
On whether she thought about aborting the mission of becoming a teen mother:
Ashley: I
never told anyone this but when I found out I was pregnant I tried to
commit suicide because my dad wasn't speaking to me and my mom was in a
broken place herself. She had my 2 brothers and me at the time and
struggling to pay all the bills herself as a CNA. So, she couldn't do
anything and now I'm about to bring a baby into the world, her dad when I
told him he was just getting out of jail and the first thing he said
was, "that's not mine." I attempted suicide and it was unsuccessful
because I was found by my little brother. It took me two months to tell
my mom and of course, she broke down because no mother wants to hear
their teen daughter is pregnant. Mind you, I was active in the church; I
mentored the younger kids, I was a praise dance leader, I was in the
church choir. My mom felt like it was because of the divorce and because
of the high school that I attended at the time that caused me to
reached this point. So, finding out at 15 caused me to be suicidal but
after I had her, it was a blessing. L.J: How was it raising a baby while still growing up yourself?
Ashley: In some aspects, it was fun. Growing up with her and watching her accomplish her first everything, she taught me who I was. I believe that God makes no mistakes and I honestly believe that if I didn't have her at that age, I would've still been back there. Looking back at some of the people that I used to hang out with; some of them are still in and out of jail, some of them have no connection with their kids, I feel like I would've been that person back there. I had to leave Deerfield Beach High to go to an alternative school, when I walked the stage K'maya was 2 years old at the time and she said: "mommy, we did it!" That was her first full sentence and from there I knew that I had to finish school because she was the reason.
On how her upbringing has impacted her approach to motherhood:
Ashley: My parents didn't raise me wrong but, their belief was; church, home and school. With K'maya, I structure myself so I know what to do and what not to do. I know not to let her slip through the cracks of the public school system. I make sure that she knows that education is also at home. When she comes home from school, she goes on I-Ready for 1 hour. She's involved; she's in reading camp, she travels with me, she's in dance. Not to tear my parents down, but when I was K'maya's age I couldn't hang out with friends. I couldn't go to school field trips or friend's parties. My thing is, if I teach her these things now, when she's older she won't go looking for them. I have vision boards for up to 2029 (LOL) honestly, because I didn't have anyone tell me "if you do dual enrollment in high school you'll be able to skip this and get your AA."
L.J: Coming from that suicidal 15-year-old pregnant teen to now a 26-year-old woman raising a 9-year-old, with a Bachelors in Sociology and a career as a Child Protective Investigator. I don't think you understand the magnitude of your accomplishments on and off paper. How did you get here?
 |
| 17-year-old Ashley with 1-year-old K'maya |
On her organization, KingShe:
Ashley: Growing up I always wanted a king, to be married by 25, that little girl fantasy. It took me some time after having K'maya to realize it wasn't going to be like that yet and raising her alone, working and finishing high school, I was the king and the queen in the home. So, that's where the name "KingShe" came from. I always knew I wanted to empower young girls because I had girls in my neighborhood that were looking for a king and I always advised them "you don't need a king, hold your throne down until a man that is worthy comes in." At first, KingShe was small until I had someone referred a young girl to me that was suicidal. She called me and asked me if I could pick her up, I went to her. We went to grab something to eat and we were just talking as if she was my little sister. The next morning I received a text from her telling me that she was going to kill herself with her dad's gun before I called her and how thankful she was for the conversation. So, from there I knew that I wanted KingShe to be something bigger than me.
L.J: What has K'maya taught you?
Ashley: Patience,
she's taught me a lot of patience and she's taught me to humble
myself. The Ashley back then was rowdy, loud and I didn't give a f***.
But, K'maya taught me about second chances because it took a lot for
people to give me second chances. Having my daughter showed me that I
was in so much wrong and faults in high school and I had to make those
wrongs right. My father and I, for example, you would never believe that
we were in a bad place. Like right now, we're about to go to lunch.l.J: What advice would you give to a young girl that was where you were 9 years ago?
Ashley: Seek help. You don't have to go through this alone, seek help.
KingShe is on pause until God says otherwise but, if you know someone that is in a crisis or needs a big sister. You can reach out to Ashley through her social media.
https://www.instagram.com/sheshe_imher_/
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